soalan cepumas (ARHJ Part 71)

"nak kahwin ke tak nak tahun ni? " soal ibu HJ
"NAK" jawab HJ
"habis tu, bila nak bawak dia jumpa mama?" soal ibunya lagi.
"errr..." kelu lidah si jejaka tak tahu nak member jawapan apa.
"kalau tak nanti mama suruh dia cari lain!" tegas ibunya.
HJ terkejut

"mana mama belajar cakap macam tu? Kakak ajar ye?"




aunty, you are the best!
sila lah paksa HJ lagi ya.
terima kasih!

written on January 2015


nota kaki: this post had been in my draft for so long. saja nak publish sekarang. ARHJ ada sambungan. percaya tak? Tak post tak semestinya takde penghujung. hehe

takde mood (ARHJ Part 72)

suati hari....
 

HJ: takde moodla.

AR: tau. but I miss you

HJ: *diam*

AR: *menyedut hingus*

HJ: sejuk ye?

(aku kalau sejuk mesti hidung berair)

AR: takla. i'm sad

HJ: ha? tak faham

AR: S.A.D. sad. ok. S.A.D.

HJ: ye. why? Y.H.Y. why.

AR: abang salah eja lah! (ketawa)

HJ: eh ye ke? haha

awalnya dua2 bad mood sebab penat kerja.

tapi lepas tu ketawa sama2.

Sebab tu lah, tak kira siapa pun buat saya sedih (termasuk awak), saya akan cari awak jugak!

written on 24 January 2015

 

Frozen heart (ARHJ Part 70)

I have tried to leave him for so many times...
There are even times where I have given up , totally thinking of moving on.

But one day, he told me that he is thankful that I have never give up on him.
I keep on pushing him cuz he is like a snail, who will never budge if I didnt push him.

Weirdly, he said that sometimes he think that he is cruel to me.
I used to think that he might not be aware of that.
Sometimes he makes my melting heart froze.
He even bled my heart slowly and excruciatingly in a sweet, agony way.
He had crushed my hope with his unusual reasons.
So, yeah. He IS cruel to me!

One day, he requested me to ask him why he couldn't leave me.
Truthfully, all I ever asked was why I still haven't leave him yet.
I've walked away so many times but somehow I will end up talking to him happily again.
This addiction is so damn contagious.
Oh, how I wish things are much easier! 

I keep on telling him that I am tired. 

I am sore.

I am beaten.

All "I" went out smoothly, resonating my vocal cord.

But did I ever think of his feeling? 

Perhaps I am too selfish. 

But never mind.

Despite of our rolling quarrels.

Our ups and down.

Our fight and joy.

Our laugh and cry.

We can't stand even one day without each other.

"Tunggulah. Suatu hari nanti aku akan penat" kata Fynn Jamal.

Aku di sini mengharapkan agar aku tidak akan pernah penat.

you are my drugs (ARHJ Part 69)

dear you,

do you remember,

that i always say that you are my piriton? 1

*seriously, i mean it*

it's amazing how your voice can easily lift up my weariness 

and makes me sleep like a baby.

and you know what?

you are my paracetamol too.2

it's the simplest and safest drug of all, 

yet effective to relieve my headache!

 

hmmm... can i say that you are my pethidine? 3

you make my pain go away with just a little bit injection of encouragement, 

and i adore you for that!

when my left chest hurts cuz i miss you so much, 

you take the pain away just like a sublingual GTN. 4

when stress makes the acid in my stomach increases,

you gives me lovely butterflies,5

just like how MMT syrup neutralize gastric juices.6

 

and, last but not least, you are my gengigel.

when life bits me so hard that it gives me an ulcer, 

you coat it with your warmth and love.

truthfully,

i don't think i need any drugs anymore *chuckles*

cuz i only want to prescribe you in my life...

the one and only ^^

footnotes:
1. piriton usually prescribes for flu or itchiness. but it can cause sleepiness.
2. well, who doesn't know paracetamol , right?
3. pethidine is an opioid, a very effective analgesic (pain killer). 
4. GTN = glyceryl trinitrate. the quick relieve of angina.
5. not sure whether this is a good effect or not. ehe~
6. MMT= Magnesium Tricilicate.

sometimes all we can do is to remember (ARHJ Part 68)

i look at the mirror, debating with the person in front of me.
should i message you?
should i just keep quiet?
arghhhh this is so devastating!!!
few times I've dialed your number, but none was answered.
my heart hurt so bad that i wanna take it out from my ribcage and throw it out of my window.
i know there's something wrong. but i just couldn't figure it out.
why oh why????

*if only i know that your house was full of sadness when i blame you for neglecting me*

then the shocking truth was revealed.
oh my.
i had no idea that somebody close to you leaves you so abruptly like that.

when you are in a place where no one wants to be, 

when one of the main branch in your family tree is broken,

don't let your faith ripped out from your heart.

fantasy always feed us on tale of the immortal,

but sadly none of them are real.

but fear not my love, 

cuz love will never die

hopefully ALLAH gives you and your family strength.

AMIN.

Let us pray for arwah.
May ALLAH bless his soul.
Al Fatihah.

storyboard i (ARHJ part 67)

tak tau lar cantik ke tak..uhuk! nie guna laptop edit..simple sangat..tp ni yg first punya..ade 3lg..tp tak publish pun..

writen by HJ ^-^

live LAUGH love (ARHJ part 66)

writen by HJ  ^-^

Kau ada aku & aku punya kamu (ARHJ 65)

AR : 

Aku sadar bukan mudah 

Untuk mengejar mimpi indah 

Pernah suatu ketika dulu 

Ku punya harapan besar 

Kini aku tak pasti 

Dapatkah ku miliki 

HJ :

Sudah jauh kita tempuh 

Kekalkanlah impian lalu 

AR :

Mungkin ada hikmah 

Yang akan menunggu 

Di penghujung jalan

Biar nanti kecewa 

Setidak-tidaknya coba 

HJ :

Jika halangan menduga perjalanan kita 

Janganlah kau putus asa 

Karena ku ada di sisi setia menemani 

Andai semangatmu gugur 

Genggamlah tanganku 

Kita hampir ke situ 

AR : 

Adakala ku terasa 

Ketabahan tak setegar 

Tetapi apakan daya 

Berhenti separuh jalan 

Percayalah padaku 

Aku yakin kita mampu 

AR & HJ : 

Biar orang katakan 

Rapuhnya harapan 

Bukan mereka tentukan lagi 

Kau ada aku dan aku punya kamu 

Amanlah akhirnya tetap bersama 

" Ya Allah..
peliharalah ukhuwah ini..
Moga tiada hasad yang menyelirat jauh di hati yang tersirat..Di jalan Allah.. 
Perhubungan ini adalah perancangan daripadaMu yang mengetahui segala rahsia..
kerana MU lah aku mengenali dia dan kerana Mu jua telah menetapkan ukhuwah itu..
pasti terukir 1001 kenangan dan kasih sayang..walau ada yang membenci..tidak mengapa..kuatkan ukhuwah ini ya rabb..jika dia untukku..dekatkan hati kami..jika disebaliknya..redha kan hati kami dan berikan kebahagiaan kepadanya..jaga dia ya rabb..plzzz... :')
Semuanya kerana Allah..
Sungguh...Bukan kerana selain daripada-Nya..
amiin ya rabb.."

written by HJ..
a little note from AR;
oh ye. real song is actually titled "Hampir ke situ" by mendua

HuSnUzoN (ARHJ Part 64)

berminggu2 aku mengalami 'writer's block'.
berkajang2 nak tulis, tapi satu 'draft' pun tak siap.
akhirnya semua jadi terbengkalai.
haish.

lagipun, sekarang tengah marathon buku Hlovate!

Alhamdulillah, akhirnya HJ bagi jugak novel "Lima tahun lima bulan".
walaupun bukan si empunya diri yang bagi 'by hand' (ye, memang kami belum berjumpa. jangan tanya kenapa. nanti aku nangis. ok).
untung ada adik HJ yang comel jadi 'messenger'.
kalau tak, sampai bila pun tak dapat.
huhu..
oh ya..
yes, finally i have met his sister.
eh, adik dia pulak yang datang jumpe aku dulu. elok sangat la tu.1
nak tahu tak? banyak sangat yang kami bicarakan haritu.

N: macam mana boleh bersabar tunggu abg HJ?

aku: entahla. mungkin sebab dah terbiasa ada dia. 

N: so sweet ^^

tapi rasa lega sikit lepas dah berjumpa dengan adik dia.
setidaknya tau la jugak yang sebenarnye si HJ ni memang wujud dan banyak konflik hidup dia memang betul.
bukannya selama ni aku menganggap dia menipu.
cuma bila belum nampak dia depan mata, macam2 boleh terfikir.
sampaikan pernah suatu hari, HJ memesan aku supaya HUSNUZON (bersangka baik).2

anyway, untuk bersangka baik memang memerlukan kesabaran dan kejernihan hati.
kalau hati keruh sangat, tak reti nak maafkan orang lain, buat kerja tergopoh gapah, cakap tak fikir, memang susah (i was referring to myself).

untung 2 minggu lepas ada pergi Konvensyen Biadadari.
Alhamdulillah, insaf sikit masa pergi ke konvensyen tu.
kawan aku tanya "Kenapa pergi Putrajaya sorang2 semata2 konvensyen tu?"
lalu aku dengan selamba menjawab "kadang2 rohani pun kita kena bagi makan jugak"
HJ gelak gila2 bila aku cerita kat dia pasal perbualan aku dengan kawan aku ni.
ok. i admit that the line is a bit cheesy, but that's the first thing that came out from my mouth. janganla gelak!

ada orang cakap HJ asyik berdalih. dan suruh aku cari orang lain.
menangis HJ bila dengar. tapi nak buat macam mana. nak dekat setahun dah kot? memang padan muke la kan?3  

Prof Muhaya cakap orang pentingkan diri lambat dapat jodoh.
mungkin aku pentingkan diri.
mungkin dia tak datang sebab ada yang kurang pada diri aku ni.4

takpelah ye.
jom introspeksi diri, bedah segala kelemahan diri, dan bersangka baiklah pada si HJ yang entah kenapa tak datang2 lagi jumpa aku.
Boleh tak? ^.^


footnote:
1. ini adalah ayat perlian. sekian, terima kasih.
2. perempuan memang suka fikir bukan2. maaf ye =/
3. awak, jangan marah! nanti cepat tua. ehe~
3. tapi mana ada orang yang perfect! 

my punching bag (ARHJ Part 63)

semalam birthday dia.
bulan lepas, dia kata nak bawak aku jalan2 masa birthday dia.
aku jadi excited sgt sbb 1st time nak jumpa dan dating!
tapi selepas beberapa hari, aku jadi ragu2. 
betul ke dia nak jumpe aku ni? macam tak percaya je.
ternyata firasatku betul.
so the plan was cancelled.
AGAIN!

i was so damn furious.
marah dan sangat2 sedih.
aku dah minta cuti dua hari semata2 tujuan itu.
sedih sangat bila dapat tahu semua hanya janji palsu.

mula2 hati memberontak.
nak lari dari Malaysia, tp dua hari tak cukup.
nak pergi Cameron atau Bukit Tinggi, tapi takut nak drive bersendirian ke sana.
akhirnya aku pergi tempat paling sibuk kat semenanjung, iaitu Kuala Lumpur.

semalam, setelah melewati tol Pedas Linggi, aku telefon dia.
marah2.
membentak.
mengamuk.
menjerit macam orang gila.
menangis teresak2.
tapi sekalipun dia tak tinggikan suara.
perbualan terputus dek kerana hujan lebat sampai hanya boleh bawak kereta 60km/jam dan terpaksa pasang lampu emergency yang berkelip2.

"AWAK TU YANG TAK MAHU JUMPA SAYA!!" jeritku.
"bukannye tak mahu jumpa selamanya," jawabnya lembut.
 ARGHHH!!!

on the way to KL, aku singgah ke hospital tempat dia bekerja.
niat nak jumpa dia sekejap.
tapi dia tak mahu.
dia hanya membiarkan aku menangis lagi dalam kereta.
menangis dan menangis lagi.
akhirnya aku pergi membawa diri.

masa tu, kepala pening tak tahu nak ke mana.
baru kutahu, memandu sambil air mata bergenang memang susah!!

lalu aku pergi menikmati lunch di Tony Roma. 

two fillet medallion medium cooked with bbq sauce, grilled shrimp, broccoli and mashed potatoes. drink: mint fruit dream. taste: amazingly delicious!

pergi shopping.
pergi tengok wayang.
pergi minum Starbucks.

hot cappucino with low fat milk plus free doughnut with caramel glaze. my new obsession (gambar hiasan)

i did everything that i had planned to do with him, even though he was not with me.
mujur ada teman baikku yang menemaniku.

"awak nak tinggalkan kite ke?"soal dia.
"YE!"

memang tak best marah2 orang.
apa lagi pada hari lahir dia.
rasa serba salah sangat.
tapi aku sudah tidak mampu menanti kehadiran dia. 

aku: awak pergilah cari orang lain yang  sanggup tunggu awak. kite tak layak untuk awak.
dia: tak nak.
aku: tak payah cari kite lagi.
dia: nak cari jugak.
aku: (eeeee.... degilnya dia!)

*waiting* (gambar hiasan)

aku: oklah. tak jadi nak  tinggalkan awak hari ni. nanti setiap birthday awak, awak akan sedih.
dia: habis tu...
aku: kita tinggalkan awak 25/8/13 la. 
dia: awak ingat kite ni barang ke?
aku: kenapa?
dia: ada tarikh luput macam tu.
aku: errr......
 
malam tadi, dia mesej aku.
katanya dia masih sayangkan aku.
(walaupun aku berkasar dengan dia pada hari jadi dia? hmmmm...)
katanya dapat berbual dengan aku dari pedas linggi ke midvalley adalah hadiah paling bermakna untuk dia (perli aku lah tu).

rasanya kalau orang lain kena tengking macam semalam, dah lame dia lari lintang pukang.
tapi dia tetap kuat macam 'punching bag'. 
ditumbuk sekuat mana pun masih tegar.
tapi hati aku dah terhiris dan terguris dalam.
dah penat berharap.

aku: ARHJ dah habis!
dia: belum. nanti kite akan sambungkan.
aku: awak sambungla sorang2!

awak, maaf ye.
kite nak bagi adik kite hadiah awak tu,
dan nak buat permohonan pindah ke Sarawak.
ini keputusan muktamad.
ok.
sekian, terima kasih. 

#ARHJ #Instagram (ARHJ Part 62)

hey there.

guess what?

I've picked some lines from ARHJ series and posted in Instagram!

yeay  \(^.^)/

anyway, more post coming up.

enjoy~

do u still remember? (ARHJ Part 61)

do u still remember the time when u were so excited to tell me this novel's ending?
ok memang agak pelik lelaki baca novel. tapi bila tengok adik lelaki aku pun baca novel dah hilang dah rasa pelik. ehe~

do you still remember the time when u always ask me about medicine?
truthfully sometimes i had to Google it cuz i never heard of that medicine! (kantoi)

 do you still remember the time when all of ur questions were answered with one short sentence.
example:-
Q: dah makan? 
A: dah
Q: pakai baju ape pergi kerja hari ni? 
A: baju
Q: makan ape tadi? 
A: nasi
Q: best tak benda tu? 
A: entah
Q: dah solat dah?
A: dah
now i get so excited that one short question was answered with long elaborated answer
Q: sedap x?
A: x sedapla. tomyam ikan yg mama kita masak lagi sedap! 

do u still remember our fights?
we cry, we fight, we quarrel. but in the end, we vowed not to leave each other.
him: awak nak tinggalkan kita ke?
me: tak nak
him: kite pun xnak awak pergi mana2, ok?


do u still remember when u promise to write something for ARHJ?
berbulan tunggu, sampai dah give up nak berharap.
lepas tu tiba2 ada entry yg awak tulis!
terkejut gila masa tu...
suke sangat!!!

do u still remember when i use to sing Barney's song "I love u?" 
tot i sounds cute enough but awak lg cute mase awak nyanyi lagu banana potatoooooo.
serius!


those small details in our life maybe insignificant to others.
but i refuse to let it pass by unnoticed.
truthfully, dat is why ARHJ exist in the 1st place.
so that one day, we can sit down and read it from skin to skin and walk down the memory lane.

*perbualan sengal hari ini*
HJ: awak! jentik sampai bibir awak berdarah2 karang.
AR: xpe. kita da beli aloe lip care kat bodyshop. gerenti x berdarah.
HJ: are u sure?
huhu~

awak. 
happy 10 months annivesary!
i love u infinity and beyond!!! (sambil angkat tangan macam Buzz Lightyear) Y^.^

in years come, we'll reminiscence on how u were made to complete my duet.

Age hasn’t spoiled you (ARHJ part 60)

+ For your birthday, I just want to say I hope you can see

 how special you are to me..

+ I hope that today is the beginning of a great year for you..

+ Age is a number, but life is your calculator..

+ Let this day be full of all the colors of the rainbow..

happy birthday dr AR...

  

p/s i : hope you love it..(sorwy sebab simple sgt..) 
p/s ii : ikhlas dari HEARTY ke HEARTY 
p/s iii :  :') 

writen by : dr j...^-^

despicable ME (ARHJ part 59)

hai...tak tau nak start dari mana..tapi sebab kene jugak wat entry nie so aku pown tulis jer ape yang ada kat kepala nie..

first of all..assalamualaikum and greetings to all...alhamdulillah sekarang nie kita dah nak masuk 10 ramadhan..rasa cepat jer kan..ok..straight to the titik :
i.thank.you.for.everything..
kalau nak ikutkan bila looking back..memang macam funny la kot..
so much dah jadi..moulding me yet again into another somebody
yg belajar dan membesar dgn mengenali seseorang yang aku belum pernah jumpa tapi hidup...ye..hidup dalam hati aku..aku akan terus dan terus hidup kan rasa tu..dan..aku berdoa supaya si dia akan kuat n kuat n kuat n kuat..amin ya rabb..

+dear...sikit jer lagiii....sabar ye... :')
+thankz sebab kenal kan aku dgn cerita despicable me..(hahaha dulu tak pandai sebut...tapi sekarang laju jer tau nak sebut despicable tu..hahaha)

perangai kite mmg giler2...bile call jer..gelak macam tgk running man...seyes....aku suka...hehe tapi sometimes...kalau kite gaduh...mesti kamu menangis macam tgk cite hindustan...(walau tgk dah bnyk kali)
tak sanggup nyer dgr kamu nanges...huuu...

last but not  least "kot"
i love you baby..hehehe tak pe ke ckp dekat public mcm nie?? hahahaha sorwy bby...

writen by : dr j... ^-^

p/s i : aku means HJ ke???
p/s ii : awak means AR ke??
p/s iii : kamu+aku = ARHJ 

i'll kill him! (ARHJ Part 58)

"dah jumpe ke belum?" soal teman baikku saat aku bercerita mengenai HLovate yang merupakan penulis favorite HJ.

"belum" jawabku perlahan. sedih mengenangkan sudah 8 bulan bercinta tapi masih belum bertentang mata. sampai ramai menganggap aku berstatus 'single'.

"argghhh i'll kill him!!!" kata temanku.

tiba- tiba telefonku menyanyikan lagu "mirrors". eh, panjang umur si HJ ni. baru je sebut pasal dia.

"Hye awak! iza baru cakap nak kill u" bicaraku.

"errrr.. kenapa?" soal HJ

"sebab x dtg jumpe kite" jawabku ringkas.

"nanti bila kita xde siapa nak dengar awak mengomel pasal kerja? siapa nak dengar awak menangis? siapa nak teman awak bila awak sedih?" panjang lebar dia bertanya.

ok. he got a point. tapi dengan selamba aku menjawab "xpe. i'll go back to my blog."

"xnak kawan awak!" jawab HJ.

"ok. babai awak *giggling silently*"

ok. diam dalam blog tak bermakna kami dah berpisah. atau tiada cerita menarik. atau cinta kami sudah kurang gula. tolong jangan salah faham ye.

tapi nampaknya tahun ini saya masih terpaksa menghadapi sekali lagi hari raya dengan soalan berikut:-
bila nak kahwin? 
dah ada calon ke belum? kalau xde calon meh nak kenalkan..

atau yang sewaktu dengannya. 
haishs *mengeluh panjang*

"awak, kita nak nangis bila orang tanya soalan macam tu. orang lain dah beranak pinak. hiks" ujarku kepada HJ.
"sabarlah" jaawabnya ringkas.

arghhhh..... kadang2 rasa macam nak geget HJ kuat2. orang tengah perli awak lah! 

ok. cool down. take a deep breath. cool down...
fuhhh *inhale and exhale deeply*

Ya ALLAH. aku redha dengan apa jua ketentuanMu. Mudah- mudahan semua ini berakhir dengan bahagia.AMIN.

one fine day (ARHJ Part 57)

"please don't leave me," he beg.
i know i don't have the strength to cry anymore.
i know i am not strong enough to survive another heartbreak.
and i know i will suffer if i didn't speed dial the J button or hear the Adira's song titled "Ku ada kamu" ringing on my blackberry at least once a day.
i know i am pathetic.
but not to give him another chance would be cruel.
because i know he is not the only one suffering if i end up our story just like this. 
anyway, here's a poem, specially dedicated for u, HJ
 

there was a time,

where i feel 

d r a i n e d,

and i grow tired of 

f i g h t i n g.

so exhausted 

that I've finally said goodbye to him

but he beg me not to.

yes, i am blind.

i can't see a lie.

but tell me,

how on earth can i spot a lie,

when love balloons filled my heart?

pain....so much pain that it makes me breathless,

tears....so much tears that it left me gasping for love,

but the cut deepen as i accuse him for not doing anything to mend it

but one day,

as he recite a 'doa',

my heart melted.

then he reminds me to pray,

and i forgot my sorrows and my insecurity.

when he pray for us,

the blood in my veins stirred,

boiling over the limit.

bear in your mind,

that losing this game 

is not my intention!

on one fine day,

INSYAALLAH, 

we 

will 

be 

united.

AMIN.

hate that i love you (ARHJ Part 56)

this is the part of our story that i never want to publish.
ARHJ had been 'silenced' as i realize that this is not a happy fairy tale where the princess finally met the prince and elope.
no.
this is not another fairy tale!

i love him.....
but i really hate him right now.
he makes me cry every day.
he makes me so damn depressed.
i hate him for making me loving him so much!!!!

That’s how much I love you  

That’s how much I need you  

And I can’t stand ya  

Most everything you do make me wanna smile  

Can I not like it for a while?
No, but you won’t let me

anyway, it's 25th April today...
it's supposed to be our 7th month happy anniversary together.
but there is nothing happy in our life today.
he had just told me yesterday that he is not ready to meet me yet and that he is afraid of himself.

urrrgh!!!! what a lame reason!!!
as if i am going to believe that.

he had stolen my heart and he said that he want to keep it forever.
few months ago, he stole my heart to wipe my tears away...
but now it seems that my tears are flowing so fast like a river.
loving him is so easy yet it is so hard to keep on waiting like this!
i hate it that when i hear his voice, i forgot how mad i am to him, which is so not fair at all. 

You upset me, boy, and then you kiss my lips 
All of a sudden I forget that I was upset 
Can’t remember what you did
But I hate it 
You know exactly what to do 
So that I can’t stay mad at you  
For too long, that’s wrong
But, I hate it

i am not a mannequin.
i am a human.
but when i am treated like a mannequin, should i keep on loving him?
please give my heart back if you don't want to meet me, HJ. 

And you completely know the power that you have  

The only one that makes me laugh  

Sad and it’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact  

That I love you beyond the reason why  

And it just ain’t right

i just want to be happy.
i just want to smile again.
please bring my smile back.

how on earth can i ever forget u, when the hole inside my heart had been filled by you?
how can i ever stop calling you, when it is already my habit to speed dial your number by just pressing the 'J' button on my blackberry?
how to live happily without u, when thinking of u is like breathing? don't you know that it is what i do to stay alive!?!?!

You know exactly how to touch 

So that I don’t wanna fuss and fight no more  

Said, I despise that I adore you
And I hate how much I love you, boy  

I can’t stand how much I need you  

And I hate how much I love you, boy  

But I just can’t let you go 

And I hate that I love you so

i don't know how long i can keep on waiting.
all i know is that i never want to leave u. 
but i can't keep on crying every day.

One of these days, maybe your magic won’t affect me  

And your kiss won’t make me weak  

But no one in this world knows me the way you know me  

So you’ll probably always have a spell on me, yay

 

p.s. background lyric in purple font is taken from the song "hate that i love you"

happy birthday? (ARHJ Part 55)

April is supposed to be an awesome month for us, where he will finally come to meet me.
but i just found out a bitter truth few days ago. 
at first he kept saying "this Thursday... " and then he said nothing. just leave me hanging like that.
so i thought that he wants to come on that day (which is today).
but it hurts so much to know the truth.
he won't come today.
i also doesn't want him to come.
why?
because if he did that, then i know that i have all the reason to be jealous of his ex girlfriend, who had passed away few years ago.
i know, i know. don't nag at me.
why on earth should i be damn jealous of someone who had died?
but apparently, he had many memories of her.
while both of us, what did we have?
we haven't even meet each other yet!!!!
it is so damn depressing that i cried when i know the truth.
but i think i had to thank her.
she had bring great impact in his life.
and he always share with me a lot of things that she had taught him regarding our religion.
thank you, dear I**

p.s. i know i shouldn't be jealous of her.
after all, he is mine now, right?




please don't misunderstand me. 
i won't ask him to forget her.

the past is history1.

but the future is our story.

i think it is not a sin if he still think of her, for she had once bring him happiness.
i think she was a wonderful girl.
but ALLAH loves her more.
may her soul rest in peace.
Al fatihah.
 
p.s. how to wish Happy Birthday to a deceased person?

footnote: does the word history comes from 'his story'? hmmm