a thought of the day

Life has no smooth road for any of us; 

and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, 

till the legend, 

over steep ways to the stars, 

fulfills itself. 

W. C. Doane

for my beloved Babah

yesterday is Father's day, right?

Father's Day is a day honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society

people are sending gifts, love and hugs with their dad, 

but i do nothing. 

i didn't call my dad, or even SMS him. 

usually,

the only reason i SMS my dad is to ask for money. 

and the last time i called my mum was when i had lost my laptop.

i am not a good daughter, am i?

actually, the reason why i didn't contact my dad is because that i hate the fact that we can't afford a new laptop. 

i've been thinking, how can i go through IKM (i'll enter IKM next week) without a laptop? 

there are lots of assignments and research to do. 

my friends were worried, for they had already go through that division. thus they offered me to borrowed theirs. but they wanna use it too, right?

i feel so boring at home without a laptop.

no more games. no more editing pics, no more blogging.

and i didn't live at RUSUN anymore. so not even my best friends were around.

and that makes me angry... and depressed.

i always cry alone in my room, hating everything including myself. 

but this morning, 

i suddenly realize everything....
i had been asking too much from my dad.

Babah had always supported me, financially and spiritually.

when i said i don't have any money , my dad will bank in money A.S.A.P

there was a time when he SMS me and said he'll sent it after two days.

i cried, because i need to photocopy my assignments and there are so little money left. 

but the next day, my mum said that my dad had transferred money. 

somehow, i feel so guilty that i cried again....... 
and whenever i blog about how depressed i am, he will comment, and tell me to focus and never look back. 

Arieff is going to america soon, 

Aizza had just change school. 

and Amie is going to sit for SPM exam.

life is really hard for us now.

i know.

i really hope our problems will be over soon.
and i miss those times when we were all together...

you know what?

everytime i SMS my dad, i can picture his worried face.

i can feel that he is striving hard to feed us.

sometimes....

i look at my friends with jealousy, but then i look at the kids on the street. 

and i realize....

how lucky i am to have a dad like babah. 

i don't need a Spiderman or even a Batman. cause i have my own Superman. 

i called him Babah.

pics from 

mihyanie  

teacherholly  

grammyandpoppyk
maraculio

berhenti berharap

i like marcell damn much!!!

his singsong voice melt my heart and i can't get enough of him....

Download video clip Marcell Berhenti Berharap

p.s. na pakwe pandai nyanyi boley tak??

boleh la.. eyh? eyh?

hihi

necrotic heart

too many times - they broke it
too many times - it is crushed

hope is the vascular of my heart.
but when one by one die,
my heart shrieks, crying for help,
seeking for medications.
and it keeps on dying -- until everything becomes necrotic,
darkening my hollow heart....

the rage inside me grew,
inch by inch,
deeper and deeper.
and i swear i can hear fiery voices shouting in the chambers of my heart.

please..oh please...

please don't take my hopes away...
for without it,
my heart will stop beating.

 pic from leninha

where is my only exception?

when nothing else matters

When other people’s grass seems greener.......

we sighed and moaned and groaned.

Then we start to picture ourselves in their shoes.

And we begin to daydream and float in their life.


But................

have you ever imagine where you,

with nothing but your spirit left,

stranded in a desert full of heartless,

cold blooded,

deceitful,

devious,

evil,

merciless,

unforgiving,

ruthless,

wicked,

sinful,

malevolence 

and illusory gunman?

Think of it……..

miss ordinary

i am just another girl who choose a beauty magazine over some thick textbooks.

i am just another girl who blames her moody day to her hormones.

and i am just another girl who have her own ups and downs.

so, if i cry, i am just acting HUMAN.

cuz i am nothing but an ordinary person....

and that's how i live my life!