my punching bag (ARHJ Part 63)

semalam birthday dia.
bulan lepas, dia kata nak bawak aku jalan2 masa birthday dia.
aku jadi excited sgt sbb 1st time nak jumpa dan dating!
tapi selepas beberapa hari, aku jadi ragu2. 
betul ke dia nak jumpe aku ni? macam tak percaya je.
ternyata firasatku betul.
so the plan was cancelled.
AGAIN!

i was so damn furious.
marah dan sangat2 sedih.
aku dah minta cuti dua hari semata2 tujuan itu.
sedih sangat bila dapat tahu semua hanya janji palsu.

mula2 hati memberontak.
nak lari dari Malaysia, tp dua hari tak cukup.
nak pergi Cameron atau Bukit Tinggi, tapi takut nak drive bersendirian ke sana.
akhirnya aku pergi tempat paling sibuk kat semenanjung, iaitu Kuala Lumpur.

semalam, setelah melewati tol Pedas Linggi, aku telefon dia.
marah2.
membentak.
mengamuk.
menjerit macam orang gila.
menangis teresak2.
tapi sekalipun dia tak tinggikan suara.
perbualan terputus dek kerana hujan lebat sampai hanya boleh bawak kereta 60km/jam dan terpaksa pasang lampu emergency yang berkelip2.

"AWAK TU YANG TAK MAHU JUMPA SAYA!!" jeritku.
"bukannye tak mahu jumpa selamanya," jawabnya lembut.
 ARGHHH!!!

on the way to KL, aku singgah ke hospital tempat dia bekerja.
niat nak jumpa dia sekejap.
tapi dia tak mahu.
dia hanya membiarkan aku menangis lagi dalam kereta.
menangis dan menangis lagi.
akhirnya aku pergi membawa diri.

masa tu, kepala pening tak tahu nak ke mana.
baru kutahu, memandu sambil air mata bergenang memang susah!!

lalu aku pergi menikmati lunch di Tony Roma. 

two fillet medallion medium cooked with bbq sauce, grilled shrimp, broccoli and mashed potatoes. drink: mint fruit dream. taste: amazingly delicious!

pergi shopping.
pergi tengok wayang.
pergi minum Starbucks.

hot cappucino with low fat milk plus free doughnut with caramel glaze. my new obsession (gambar hiasan)

i did everything that i had planned to do with him, even though he was not with me.
mujur ada teman baikku yang menemaniku.

"awak nak tinggalkan kite ke?"soal dia.
"YE!"

memang tak best marah2 orang.
apa lagi pada hari lahir dia.
rasa serba salah sangat.
tapi aku sudah tidak mampu menanti kehadiran dia. 

aku: awak pergilah cari orang lain yang  sanggup tunggu awak. kite tak layak untuk awak.
dia: tak nak.
aku: tak payah cari kite lagi.
dia: nak cari jugak.
aku: (eeeee.... degilnya dia!)

*waiting* (gambar hiasan)

aku: oklah. tak jadi nak  tinggalkan awak hari ni. nanti setiap birthday awak, awak akan sedih.
dia: habis tu...
aku: kita tinggalkan awak 25/8/13 la. 
dia: awak ingat kite ni barang ke?
aku: kenapa?
dia: ada tarikh luput macam tu.
aku: errr......
 
malam tadi, dia mesej aku.
katanya dia masih sayangkan aku.
(walaupun aku berkasar dengan dia pada hari jadi dia? hmmmm...)
katanya dapat berbual dengan aku dari pedas linggi ke midvalley adalah hadiah paling bermakna untuk dia (perli aku lah tu).

rasanya kalau orang lain kena tengking macam semalam, dah lame dia lari lintang pukang.
tapi dia tetap kuat macam 'punching bag'. 
ditumbuk sekuat mana pun masih tegar.
tapi hati aku dah terhiris dan terguris dalam.
dah penat berharap.

aku: ARHJ dah habis!
dia: belum. nanti kite akan sambungkan.
aku: awak sambungla sorang2!

awak, maaf ye.
kite nak bagi adik kite hadiah awak tu,
dan nak buat permohonan pindah ke Sarawak.
ini keputusan muktamad.
ok.
sekian, terima kasih. 

shades of grey (raya edition)

hye.

rasanya masih belum terlambat nak ucap Selamat Hari Raya, kan ^^

lama dah tak 'mecapub' (mencari publisiti) kat blog sendiri.

setelah 7 kali failed attempt untuk mendownload gambar raya di facebook, akhirnya pergi update blog.

huhu...

maaf ye kalau ade salah silap selama berblog ni.

mungkin ada terkasar bahasa atau menyinggung sesiapa.

 sorry (",)

btw, tahun ni adik saya dah balik!

setelah bertahun belajar di Ohio, akhirnya selesai juga. dah nak sambung master dah bulan depan.

tahniah arieff!!

p.s. sila abaikan si kecik yang suka interframe itu

tengok tu. semua gambar dia nak interframe. huhu.

Alhamdulillah. tahun ini kami semua dapat berkumpul.

lengkap satu family ^^

hopefully tahun2 akan datang pun dapat kumpul semua orang macam ni..

amin..

wanna be a doctor? think carefully!

the most common thing that happen when you are working in a hospital is that people will start fighting to take leave.
as usual, being single and living with parents gave me no reason to take extra holidays. 
plus, i don't have any grandparents anymore. sigh~

i met my friend yesterday and she asked me whether i feel regret being a doctor.
truthfully, no matter how busy i am, no matter how bad i was scolded by my boss, no matter how bad my patients treated me, no matter how disrespectful some nurses can be and no matter if i had to work on festive days, I DID NOT REGRET of my choice to be a doctor. 

you know what? my CGPA in Matriculation did not exceed 3.6, and i remember the doctor who did my medical checkup few years ago was not satisfied that her niece with much better grade than me did not have the chance to be a doctor.
i had fight on my way to get here, and i am not giving up now!
few years ago, after realizing that i have no chance to study medicine in Malaysia, i seek opportunities elsewhere.
never mind if i had to study in Indonesia.
never mind if i can only get JPA's loan (which end up making me stuck in government hospital for 10 years. not that i wanna go to private. i don't really mind about it, actually. ehe~)

so here i am. 
i had to admit that my journey wasn't a smooth one.
with nerve wrecking and heart breaking relationships, and sometimes financial difficulties, i manage to survive.

when i do locum, people tend to say, "wow doctor. u are so young!"
ok, i am not that young. i'm 26 already. 
but i admit that i am still young in a medical world. I still have much much more to learn. 
and when i sign up for medicine course, it means that i am signing up for a life long learning.

so to those who are still undecided for their future, think before you choose this career.
if you want to be rich, be a businessman. I've met some doctors who had resign for some MLM (Multi Level Marketing) business.

 it is so damn useless to be a doctor without a passion.
because instead of treating people, you might end up being a killer.
now that i've become a Medical Officer, i had to be responsible in every action and order that i make. 
when i am not sure, it is not wise to just guess. 
when someone condition deteriorates, instead of following orders (that's what most of house officer do), i found myself thinking hard of what i should do or should have done to help that person. 
when i had to break a bad news to my patient, for example informing them that they have a cancer, and what are the possible options available, i fight so hard not to cry. (i did cry once, in front of a 30 years old single mother with a breast cancer who refuse operation, and almost cried when a tough looking 18 year old boy cried in front of me after i told him politely that he have a testicular cancer that have metastases to lymph nodes and his lungs)

seriously, this job is tough and need a lot of social skills, right?
 

#ARHJ #Instagram (ARHJ Part 62)

hey there.

guess what?

I've picked some lines from ARHJ series and posted in Instagram!

yeay  \(^.^)/

anyway, more post coming up.

enjoy~