i promise you

next year....

i promise i'll strive harder....

i'll strive so that i can graduate by december 2010.

i'll strive so that i can be a good doctor....

i'll strive to be a better person.....

and i'll strive to stop thinking about those stupid small stuffs that kept buzzing my mind.

that is what i had prayed last night, when somebody said that he didn't wanna wish me 'good luck' or 'all the best', because he thinks that i kept playing around...

i hate him for saying dat...

i admit that i do play games so much.

i admit that sometimes i do fool around.

but that doesn't meant that i didn't touch my books.

that doesn't meant that there is nothing inside my skull.

and if you see me during my exam today, mrsnubbyguy, i'm sure you'll lick your spit...

i don't even know why i am so damn sensitive...

maybe some of his words are true....

maybe i DO procrastinate...

*sigh

anyway.....

i'm entering OBGYN this 4th of December...

maybe you guys won't see me till another 3months...

i'm gonna be super duper busy!!!!!!

everyday my shifts is 7am till 7pm or 7pm till 7am...

yup, 12 hours each day for 11weeks...

life is getting tougher and tougher each day.

i hope i can go through each day smoothly...............

confessions of a clinical student

2009 is almost over...

people had begun listing their new year wishes.

i don't wanna write anything cliche here but i can't stop my fingers from  typing this stuff. the fact is, i can't stop thinking about how 2009 had change me, physically and emotionally.

actually, i have a confession to make. this year, i had changed a lot..... and only a single bit of them are positive.

i had become a soul-less human, my heart had blackened and my path dwindled. my life is not what i had pictured when i was an innocent ten years old girl.

funny that now i think my heart is made of stone. har har (cynical laugh)

this year i had met a guy that i thought i would marry. he had such a charisma that melt my heart. he made me believe i can do anything, even the most impossible thing on earth. he made me dance on the clouds of love, and i had never fallen in love that deep. but alas, he left me..... and i was so damn devastated that i never wanna love anyone anymore. i don't want to fall into that pit anymore. thus, i swing and flirt a lot, but i never wanted any commitment. but i got hurt, AGAIN. and I've learn another lesson. but as i always play with the fire, i can hardly taste a drop of happiness. serves me right... i should had just been a nice little girl than fooling around. then i focus my mind on my study, striving hard to forget the pain in my heart, trying to shed the tears on my cheek. luckily, this clinical year had been so interesting!!!! i had to admit that i've learn much much more than my theory years. and i truly agree with this statement my friend, izmizah, wrote on her Facebook status

to study phenomenon of disease without books is to sail an uncharted sea, while to study books without patients is not to go to sea at all -sir william osler- 

learning by watching is much more interesting, and it really works!i love medicine! lalala~

anyway, my birthday this year is kinda gloomy, despite the 'special' and its uniqueness than any of my other birthdays. this year, i've turned 22 on the 22nd of July, and my mum's age was 22 when she gave birth to me... 

wait a minute, my mum gave birth to me when she's 22? 

goshh. i'm 22 and i don't even have a boyfriend! damn!

ok, i got another confession to make. being single sucks. i hate it. there was a time when i chat with my friend about it and turns out that we share a similar dark secret. we are a tiny weeny afraid that we are not going to marry at all. haha... 

people said that if we want to marry, do it before housemanship or after housemanship. that means next year or in another three years. hmmm... i'm 22 now. and in three years i'll be 25.. let's just wish that i do find someone at that time, ok? 

(a note to an engineer who's working in Japan right now... i really hope you'll try harder. seriously. i do)

my friend, aki wrote this on her blog.... dunno where in the hell she found this but i like it!
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

hmmm.. to agree or not to agree? to believe or to deny? such a hard decision to make....

but i know that i'm not going to think about it seriously untill i graduate...

oh my... so many stupid confessions... so many words wasted in this entry..

maybe i should get back into my books (my exam case is "bunuh bayi" or literally translated "killing baby?".

hihi...

strive harder, ainul!

the end

oh tidak!!!!

tak terase mase berlalu..

macam baru semalam masuk department ni dan buat autopsi yang pertama dalam hidup aku ...

macam baru semalam tengok mayat2 berdarah2 dan bersihkan luka2 dia...

macam baru semalam tengok mayat berulat2 dan kembung dan ambil gambar walaupon 'pose' dia kaku je...

tup tup minggu depan dah masuk minggu keenam aku kat FORENSIC...

exam dah nak dekat dah nih...

takutlahhh....

my examiner sgt terkenal dgn ketelitian dan kepandaian dia...

rase macam nak menyorok dalam bakul dan duduk diam2 kat situ....

 hihihi

please pray for me...

please........

bukan iklan "Follow Me"

saye dah buat Twitter baru... 

twitter lame sangat banyak dengan iklan.. 

xreti nak buang semua 'spam' tuh so i just delete my twitter account.....

please follow me... (dengan muka sangat kesian)

ehehehe~

sila pilih button yang anda suke dan click click click!

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bukan mainan

maaf....

seketul daging itu,

bukan sejenis makanan....

yang boleh dicincang sampai lumat.

bukan juga sebiji bola...

untuk ditendang sesuka hatimu.

dan ia pasti bukan mainan...

yang boleh dikotak- katik.

kau perlu tahu...

daging itu bukan kertas...

untuk diconteng dan dikotori tinta.

bukan juga sehelai baju...

yang akan dibuang setelah lusuh.

biar hanya seketul daging...

ia bukan daging biasa!

daging itu hati aku.

dan hati aku bukan mainan, bodoh!

satu tambah tiga same dengan lapan

hye hye... 
here's a brief report from Bhayangkara Hospital....
sekarang ni tengah hujan, dan kami semua kepenatan. 
macam manelah tak penat.....
baru hari pertama dah ade tiga mayat!!!!
mayat pertama dihantar pukul satu pagi, dengan genangan darah yang sangat banyak di kepala. 
mayat kedua pula dihantar jam empat pagi, dan yang ketiga datang pukul enam pagi...
tak nyenyak langsung tidur malam tadi. 
yang ketiga tu sangat ngeri! tulang betis dia terkeluar. dan darah sangat2 banyak..
sebijik macam dalam cerita ninja assasin!


dalam ke'stress'an dan kebengangan sebab tidur diganggu oleh mayat2 mangsa accident, kawan aku sempat cakap "satu tambah tiga".....
aku pun tambah, "satu visum hidup tambah tiga mayat same dengan lapan orang koas yang kepenatan dan tak cukup tidur.."

visum hidup tu maksudnya periksa orang yang masih hidup. contohnya pada mangsa rogol atau 'keganasan rumah tangga'. 

pagi tadi bertumpuk2 mayat kat sebelah bilik ni.... 
bila keluarga datang, semua meraung2. 
sempat diaorang tanye, ni semua kemalangan sama2 ke?
menurut aku tiga2 kematian ni lain tapi serupa
tiga2 terjadi di tempat dan waktu berbeza.
tapi tiga2 bau arak dan tiga2 naik motor.
so ade dua lesson kat sini.
pertama, jangan minum arak!!!
kedua, jangan naik motor... eh, sesuai ke ni?? peace to all geng rempit.. ehehe

semalam pertama kali dalam hidup aku tau betapa hamisnya bau darah bercampur bau arak...
sangat hanyir...
and not to mention all of those pooling blood yang macam air sirap...
sangat ngeri...
baru hari pertama dah macam nih...
wish me luck and strength for the next six days!!!!!

oh no... it's almost sunday!!!!!

oh tidak...

sangat takut nak menghadapi minggu depan...

sebab minggu depan kene tido kat Rumah Sakit Bhayangkara. 
dan bilik coass betul2 sebelah bilik mayat!!!! 
yup, i repeat.. 
sebelah bilik mayat...

ayudeathwish mesti suke. 
mende cmtuh faveret dia...

tapi bukan faveret aku nak pegang mayat dan pastikan dia dibunuh atau bunuh diri!!!!!!
(cume kadang2 rase macam conan la pulak... hehe)

lepas seminggu kat sane, nak exam pulak.... 
wish me luck, everyone..

p.s. jangan cerita pasal hantu kat aku.. nanti aku tak boleh tido...

anyway, jom tengok gambar nih 

selama perjalanan aku jalan kaki lalu pasar menuju ke Kandea, benda ni yang paling menarik perhatian aku....

apehal la ade tulis MENGAPA besar2 kat lori nih?????????????
dia buat aku tertanya2, 
mengapa, oh mengapa... mengapa dalam bnyk2 perkataan, dia pilih perkataan ni?
aneh betul

oh, ya... Selamat menyambut Awal Muharram bagi semua umat Islam dan Congrats to seniors yang baru je grad!!!!!  

mcm tak percaye seniors batch 2004 dah jadi dokter!!! next year my turn pulak. Aminnnn

kene halau dari shopping complex

hari ni adalah hari anti korupsi (anti corruption).... dan dari semalam orang dah kata yang hari ni jalan akan macet (jammed) besar2an.

alkisahnya harini kitorg yang selalunya boleh balik pukul 1.30 kene balik pukul 2.

bile dah pukul 2, org yg selalu nak cepat2 balik, jln slow2. takde mood nak balik kalau jalan jammed. nnti pns2 dalam pete2 buat stress je.

so aku dan 4 org kwn aku planned nak pergi MTC. daripada stuck tgh2 kesesakan lalu lintas, baik lepak kat mall, kan?

ternyata kitorg slh buat decision!

sampai je kat padang karebosi, segerombolan org2 dengan bendera2 tertulis anti korupsi memenuhi jalan.

pintu MTC semua ditutup kecuali pintu depan.

kitorg pon menyelip masuk dan pergi ke tingkat 4.

sampai tingkat 4 terus aku cari kedai Nasi Bakar faveret aku. tapi tak sangke kedai tu dah jadi kedai ayam goreng!!!!

dahla tu satu2nya kedai yg aku tau ade jual nasi bakar!

sedih betul.....

lepas tu aku duduk sambil fikir nak makan ape....

tiba2 ada pengumuman.

aku tak dengar sangat apa dia cakap sebab bising. pastu nampak ade orang lari2.

'eh, kenapa pulak nih?'

lepas tu barulah aku dengar "....akan ditutup dalam 10 menit"

aku, fitrah dan wani terpinga2.

akhirnya, kitorg pon bangun dan ikut semua orang keluar dari MTC.

ada orang kata ada kebakaran (tapi mana sirennya?)

aku pulak terfikir bom.

yelah, tempat dah sesuai. di tengah2 keramaian dan pada hari bersejarah kan selalu ada pengeboman?

tapi dgn muka dan langkah maintain, aku dan kwn2 aku keluar. bnyk gak org panik.

aku fikir, "kalau aku mati nanti, agak2 mcm mane diaorg nak identify aku?" (tadi baru belajar forensik pasal identification mangsa)

sengal je aku ni eyh?

patutnya mengucap ke..

kotnye tiba2 bom meledak, kan mati mcm tu je.

mmndgkan bnyk org panik, ada announcement baru cakap 'semua baik2 saja'

tapi still ade org lari2. aku ckp kt kwn aku, jgn lari, nnti terpisah susah nk cari balik (mcm takde handphone je kan?) hehehe..

akhirnya kitorg keluar dari MTC in one piece. tapi muke semua orang cuak je...

kat luar jumpa Imi dengan Ana. diaorang pergi beli roti tadi. ingatkan nk jumpa kat tingkat 4. tapi last2 jumpa kat luar tuh balik.

lepas tu kitorang cari pete2. baru je nak naik pete2 tuh, aku nampak org pakai jaket biru ramai2 jalan kaki menuju ke arah kitorang. apa lagi, lintang pukang kitorang lari kejar pete2 (kitorang lari2 pakai skirt... aku rase nak tergelak bile fikir balik)

 gambar ni diambil dari dalam pete2. 

mase dekat2 aku tak berani ambil gambar. takut nanti kene pukul.

(sape tak tau pete2 tu ape, untuk kesekian kalinya aku bgtau, pete2 tu van yg digunakan sbg public transportation)

anyway, kitorang lari sebab tak nak dok tengah2 org tgh demo tuh.

diaorang jalan tenang je... tapi menurut dr Peter dalam kuliah minggu lepas, kalau dah petang2, panas2, takut polis nanti dah penat dan start pukul orang.

(ini adalah kisah benar. dulu pernah ada student dipukul gara2 demo sampai petang dan gara2 diaorg caci maki polis. polis yang dah penat dan kelaparan pon mulelah memukul student. paling kesian ade yg kt dlm kelas tengah belajar pon kene pukul)

fuh... nasib baik bukan kes bom. buat cuak aku je.....

p.s. dengar kat radio budak2 demo tuh pergi lempar batu kat KFC. ape kaitannya anti corruption dgn KFC?

nak demo, demo damai2 je lah. haishs...

erk, jangan sembelih aku!!!

"ibu, mau beli ayam?" tanya seorang budak kecil sambil menghulurkan seekor ayam HIDUP ke wajahku.

mase tuh budak kecik tak pakai selipar tu buat aku sangat bengang.

1st, aku mude lagi lah!!!!!! panggil aku 'ibu' macam panggil aku 'makcik' tau!

2nd, aku pakai cantik2 sambil bawak beg berisi laptop, takkan lah aku nak beli ayam! memang salah aku sebenarnye sebab aku pergi jalan2 kat pasar.err.... bukan jalan2 sebenarnye. untuk pergi ke bangunan forensik, aku kene jalan kaki melalui pasar. boleh je naik beca tapi aku nak save duit (dekat macam tuh pon rp5000 ke? baik aku jalan kaki! )

  

kat sini mane2 ade beca. 

tak macam kat Malaysia. kat Melaka je aku pernah jumpe beca   

cerita ayam tuh cerita minggu lepas. tapi setiap hari kecuali hari ahad aku masih jalan kaki lalu pasar tuh dan masih sering ditanya, 

ibu, mau beli ayam? 

embak, mau naik beca? (abang beca pandai sikit sebab tak panggil aku 'ibu') 

kangkung, bu? 

mangga, mangga (sekarang musim mangga ke? banyaknye mangga!!!!)

pagi tadi ada 'case photos' yang diberi kepada kitorang. kitorang boleh tengok tapi tak boleh copy dalam laptop. tapi selepas tgk gbr tuh, aku tak rase ade orang nak copy gambar tuh. sebab case kitorang adalah "mangsa sembelihan".

bukan ayam yang disembelih, tapi orang!!!

OMG, aku rase macam nak pitam je tgk gbr tuh. tp puas dok pujuk hati, "Rileks Ainul, kan nak belajar...."

dan aku 'take note' untuk tak tgk muke korban tuh. nnti takleh tido lagi malam2.

tapi sampai skrg terbayang2 lelaki tuh...

nape lah aku asyik terbayangkan dia. 

kalau terbayangkan Jacob kan best...

 

makhluk ber'six pack' nih macho sangatlah!!!!! 

berdarah2 hidung tgk dia!

anyway, Makassar skrg dah tak panas sangat. xmcm dulu. air takde letrik pon xde. 

skrg alhamdulillah semua da ade.
cume bf je takde lg. hahaha
(mr s bukan pakwe saye, and he will never be)
Mr S, u ni jatuhkan saham i je lah! 

haishs

oklah, dah mendung lagi.. time camni best tido. 

ngehngehngeh

fuhhhhhhhhhhhh
fuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
fuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
da berhabuk2 blog aku nih... tapi tulah.. malas sangat lah nak update blog. nak belajar pon mls..
sampai la semalam.........
semalam ade 4 org exam dgn dr. G. dan ntah mcm mane aku pon jadi mangse. "ainul, apa jawabanmu?", "ok, kita beri contoh ainul". ainul, ainul, ainul. dahla tu examiner aku jugak nnti. jawab salah2 lak tuh... malu giler beb. tp bukan aku yg tgh exam! (ok, dia cume sebut name aku tiga kali je,,, ehehehehe)
so lepas kene 'hentam' dgn dr. G, aku sedar aku ni malas sangat. dan mungkin aku patut post kan entry yg aku da lame tulis dan da bersawang2 dah...
--> this is written last week, on my first day in Forensic department.
 
Today is one of my red marked day, where is swear on my soul, that I will never ever forget my 1st day in the forensic department. 
The main reason I will never forget today is because that today I got a jackpot! I got the chance to watch an autopsy on my first day! Before we graduate, we must watch at least 3 autopsies, and autopsy is very rare down here in Makassar. My first corpse is a guy that was found floating in the river eight days ago.  

As the first week student, we had to bring the equipment from the Forensic building to the hospital.

Some of the lists are weird.

Kitchen knife, apron, cutting board

 

Errr… wait2. Are we going to cook or what?

Anyway, other stuffs on the list are… 

Scalpel, needle holder, thread 

Ok, now everything sounds like some medical stuff, right? 

Oh, yeah, don’t forget to bring the saw!

  
The autopsy went well. I got chance to sew the guy back. Turns out it is not like sewing some stitches. Sewing a corpse need a lot of stamina and determination.

Though the guy wasn’t alive anymore, ethics are still important. So guys please don’t ever compare Forensic doctors with butchers. No matter who is the guy on the table, the person is treated with respect and dignity, and autopsy really helps to determine the cause of unusual cases.

After everything had been checked, from the outer appearance till the inner organs, all of the first week student, had to wash all of the items. But unfortunately, there is no flowing water. So we had to carry water with buckets of water.

Phew, what a day… I went back home feeling so icky and smelly, and very hungry. *Sigh….

Before I stop, I wanna say thanks to all of my first week colleagues (now we are already in week two). U guys are so damn awesome!!

They gonna kill me if I didn’t write their name. so here we are…

Edex, Asdar, Sari, Uni, Imi, Fitrah, Ana and of course, Ainul.

Ngeh ngeh ngeh

p.s. Please pardon my grammatical errors, ok. 

one of the pics during the autopsy...

sorry... gambar mayat takleh tunjuklah...

oklah. chow dulu. buhbyee~