rumbling mumbling of a doctor

hye

dah lame tak cerita sesuatu yang berfaedah.

asyik membebel pasal 'love life' yang macam 30 februari (quoted from someone), which mean dat it doesn't exist.

lepas tu membebel pasal make up.

huuu.

oklah, let's talk about my job.

yes, i am a doctor.

yes, my job sounds like wow.

people ask me about assisting surgery, delivering babies, pleural tapping, stitching, or even about procedure as simple as blood pricking.

hell yeah i can do all of dat!

and when i told them yes, i've delivered lots of babies even when i was a student in Indonesia they was like  "WOW!"

haha. sometimes i feel like their reactions is kinda cute.

makes me feels a little bit enlighten.

enlighten from thinking that my job is a burden.

enlighten from those stress of working extra hours yet allowance that had been promised since september still M.I.A (missing in action)

 ehe~

there was one day when i was buying groceries when the cashier asked me "you are a doctor, right?"

i was stunned. i asked her where did she met me.

she told me that i had delivered her first baby.

and before that she was in great pain, but i kept coming to her every time she shrieks in pain..

"nak bersalin memangla sakit, kak. akak sabar ye" she quoted me.. 

i just say it nicely cuz i remember my mama said she was traumatized with harsh nurses in labor room when she was in labor. 

but hearing the woman said that, with big smile, at least it doesn't make me feel as useless as how 'someone' made me feel.

that 'someone' had even said 'i don't think we need a house officer. a department can run without a house officer'

wow, seriously???????????

oppss... oklah. let's pretend that i never told you that.

i don't want to discuss things that may spoil my future.

anyway, even when some people think that you are so stupid or useless,

some patients may make me feel otherwise.

like when patients thank me for pricking their veins and do dressing, even though the procedure makes them uncomfortable.

nice patients makes me enjoy my works.

lalala~

i love my job.

so no matter how many rejections or disapproval i get,

they can't break me.

i promise i will find at least one positive thing each time during my shift, so dat i wont make me feel 'dishonored' or unhappy.

and for those who can't handle stress, please, please kindly find another profession.

if you can't stand for 12 hours straight, and you can't keep my mind sane for at least 12 hours, cuz with shift now you only work 12 hours a day, please find another job.

and if you can't work with people, i repeat, please find another job!

i don't want to complain too much. people said that we had been complaining too much. or were pampered like a baby. 

i don't think my mum agree with that.

look how hard my job had made me.

look how it had made my skins rough

look how it had 'stoned' my heart.

i had even learn how to make myself 'deaf'.

there was one patient who said to my friend "teruknya marah perempuan macam tu. depan pesakit pulak tu! kesian doktor tu" (he was referring to me being scolded)

and i was like "oh aku kene marah ke tadi?"

dah takde rasa malu dah kene marah depan orang.

yang penting muhasabah diri, tanya diri sendiri, kenapa kene marah.

kalau takde buat salah mesti tak kene marah kan?

kan?

jadi buat apa menangis sebab kene marah.

lebih baik menangis sebab diri sendiri yang tak cukup pandai lagi.

okay?

i hope i will stay positive.

lagi setahun je nak habis housemanship ni.

yeay!

tak sabarnye.. 

weeee~