melancholy part one

i love to be in melancholy mood.

too much laughing makes me cry in the end of the day.

so this kind of mood brings balance in my life.

yeah.

call me weird.

but i've been trying to suppress my over excitedness

i remember being so excited when my MO give me the chance to do an exchange tranfusion (under supervision).

it's like a game!

remove baby's blood in one minute, push in someone else's blood one minute, then pause one minute.

yeah sounds simple.

try doing the same thing over and over again for one and a half hour.

phew!

but i love it! i love to do procedures...

ok, i'm getting excited again.

sometimes i think i'm just masking the sadness in my heart.

i refuse to get over things i should be over with.

yeah, i think i refuse to accept the bitter fact.

time pass by.

i try to fix things that i know that is 'unmendable'

and i end up messing up everything.

what is wrong?

how can i go back to where all things had started to wind up in the wrong way?

how?

tell me how!

so i went here and there

looking for answers

i still couldn't find the answer

but i started to learn one thing -ACCEPTANCE

if that is what ALLAH had planned for me, so be it.

for HE knows better than me.

no more asking how to fix the pumpkin.

the only question now is how to walk in the right path.

and how to stay away from the jittery path.

this is me

and this is my not-so-prefect life!