surat rujukan (ARHJ Part 53)

Setengah tahun Enam bulan menunggu tarikh 'appointment' dengan dokter HJ.

insyaALLAH, masanya akan tiba tidak lama lagi.

Ya ALLAH permudahkanlah urusan kami.

AMIN 

=)

footnote:

p/w : presented with

pt: patient
3/12: three months

LOA: Loss of apetite

LOW: Loss of weight

a/w: associated with

o/e: on examination

GCS: Glasgow coma scale (a neurological scale to record the conscious state of a person) 

BP: Blood pressure

PR: Pulse rate

CVS: Cardiovascular system

DRNM: Dual rhythm no murmur

SNT: Soft, non tender

Ix: Investigation

TRO: To rule out

FBC: Full blood count

NAD: No active disease i.e Normal

od: omne in die (once daily)

6/12: six months

tds: ter die sumendum (three times a day)

my heart (ARHJ Part 52)

i have a porcelain heart,
that had been broken multiple times.
and i have a paper heart,
that has been torn apart repeatedly.

hey, you... did you know?
i have a bubble heart,
that had been popped away by false hope. 
and i have a plastic heart,
that had been drifting through the wind.
slowly and steadily fly away.
wondering where it might fall and stay.

i used to have a big heart,
but it had been shrunken over the crude bits in the journey of life.

my unwanted past had been left behind long ago.
and i am moving forward.
i am my own worst enemy.
and sometimes i found myself fighting against her.

please take me away.
please catch me.
please held my heart tight.
don't ever let me go......

i know i had given my heart to u.
and i know it is all yours now.
 
but please..
i plead you to caress my paper porcelain bubble plastic heart.
for you are the one and only...

nobody's perfect

When I'm nervous I have this thing, yeah, 

I talk too much  

Sometimes I just can't shut the hell up  

It's like I need to tell someone, anyone who'll listen  

And that's where I seem to fuck up
Yeah, I forget about the consequences  

For a minute there I lose my senses  

And in the heat of the moment my mouth starts going 

The words start flowing, oh
But I never meant to hurt you  

I know it's time that I learned to 

Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved  

This is a lesson learned
I hate that I let you down  

And I feel so bad about it  

I guess karma comes back around  

'Cause now I'm the one that's hurting, yeah
And I hate that I made you think 

That the trust we had is broken  

Don't tell me you can't forgive me  

'Cause nobody's perfect  

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, nobody's perfect, no

 
If I could turn back the hands of time  

I swear I never would've crossed that line  

I should of kept it between us  

But, no, I went and told the whole world how I feel and oh
So I sit and I realize  

With these tears falling from my eyes  

I gotta change if I wanna keep you forever 

I promise that I'm gonna try

 
But I never meant to hurt you 

I know it's time that I learned to   

Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved  

This is a lesson learned
I hate that I let you down  

And I feel so bad about it 

I guess karma comes back around 

'Cause now I'm the one that's hurting, yeah

 
And I hate that I made you think 

That the trust we had is broken  

So don't tell me you can't forgive me 

'Cause nobody's perfect 

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, nobody's perfect

 
I'm not a saint, no, not at all, but what I did, it wasn't cool  

But I swear that I'll never do that again to you, 

oh I'm not a saint, no, not at all, but what I did, it wasn't cool  

But I swear that I'll never do that again to you, yeah

 
I hate that I let you down  

And I feel so bad about it 

I guess karma comes back around  

'Cause now I'm the one that's hurting, yeah
And I hate that I made you think  

That the trust we had is broken  

So don't tell me you can't forgive me 

'Cause nobody's perfect, no

 
I hate that I let you down  

And I feel so bad about it  

I guess karma comes back around 

'Cause now I'm the one that's hurting, yeah
And I hate that I made you think  

That the trust we had is broken  

So tell me you can forgive me 

'Cause nobody's perfect, yeah, yeah, whoa
Don't tell me, don't tell  

Don't tell me you can't forgive me  

No, no, no, no  

'Cause nobody's perfect, no

500 langkah darimu (ARHJ Part 51)

"doktor, doktor kene 'accompany' pesakit 3A ke hospital S****** harini" kata staff nurse kepadaku.
aku menggaru kepala.
perutku mulai terasa senak.
terasa 'butterfly' penuh beterbangan di dalam perut.
"alamak?!?!?!?!?!" ujarku di dalam hati.
bukan kerana Aorta Abdominalis Aneurysm (3A) yang membuat aku kecut perut.
bukan juga kerana harus naik ambulans.
tapi lokasi itu... 

"abg, kita kene hantar pesakit ke Hospital S****** harini"
"ha? hahahahaha" dia tergelak besar. 
"eh, oklah. bye. nanti kita jumpa kt sana ye" gurauku.
kami ketawa lagi.
hampir 6 bulan bercinta, tapi belum pernah bertemu biar sekali pun.
tiba2 aku ditugaskan menghantar pesakit ke hospital tempat dia bekerja.
mana tak cuak!

setibanya di Hospital S******......
"awak kat mana?" tanya dia melalui SMS.
"klinik pakar" balasku.
"berdebar la" kata dia lagi.
"kenapa awak berdebar?"
"kerana awak 500 langkah je dari kite"
"awak kira ke berapa langkah? haha" 

SMS demi SMS berbalas.
aku risau dia tidak dapat menumpukan perhatian terhadap kerja.
dan ternyata dugaanku tepat.

"Encik H*****!!" jerit seorang staff nurse di klinik tersebut.
mendengar nama pesakitku dipanggil, aku segera bangkit dari tempat duduk dan membawa pesakitku bertemu pakar.
 
"Hye doctor. this is a 50 year old patient. premorbid Nil. presented with back pain. then we noted a pulsatile mass on his abdomen and did ultrasound. noted aorta abdominalis aneurysm as big as 8 x 10 x 14 cm with 60% thrombosis. we had proceed with CTA and patient's blood pressure had been maintained at about 120/70 with IVI labetolol, which currently infusing at the rate of 65mg/hour."
panjang lebar aku memberi penjelasan mengenai pesakitku.
dua pakar meneliti CT scan pesakit tersebut. aku mendengar mereka berbincang dengan teliti.
akhirnya mereka membuat keputusan untuk menjalankan pembedahan.
pesakit pada awalnya agak takut untuk menjalani pembedahan.
untung ada sokongan keluarga pesakit.
akhirnya pesakit dan keluarga bersetuju.
yelah, takkanlah nak balik dan risau setiap waktu?
triple A bila2 sahaja boleh pecah!!!!!

sementara itu di wad OnG....
seorang pegawai perubatan siswazah yang dari tadi sibuk ber'SMS' mula mengorak langkah keluar dari wad.
tiba2,
"J, mari sini" panggil seorang MO.
"alaaaaa" jelas terpancar kekecewaan di wajahnya.

di wad 6c...
aku cuba menelefon dia.
tapi tiada jawapan.
"ah, mungkin dia tengah sibuk" ujarku di dalam hati.

lalu perlahan2 aku mula meninggalkan wad tersebut dan menuju ke ambulans.
hujan lebat membuat hatiku terasa sayu.

dulu, dia pernah berkata 
"kalau hujan tu maknanya abang sayang kamu" 
"kalau tak hujan macam mana?" soalku.
"ala, mesti hujan la nanti" kata dia.
lima minit setelah itu, hujan turun membasahi bumi..
dan aku tersenyum merenung titis2 air di jendela.

ambulans perlahan- lahan meninggalkan hospital.
hujan lebat membuat jalan bertakung air.
tiba2 dia menefonku.
"kat mana? tak nak jumpa ke?" soal dia.
"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee geramnya... tadi kata jangan cari. ni tiba2 tanya macam tu pulak" bebelku kepada dia.
"tadi dah nak pergi wad 6c. tiba2 MO panggil" jawab dia. 

owh, can't he make our love story more dramatic?!?!?

pernah tak tengok drama yang ada dua org yang saling mencintai dan nak sangat jumpa tapi tak bersua?
huhu~

setibanya aku di Melaka, dia bertanya keadaanku.
dulu, mungkin aku akan sangat kecewa kerana tak dapat bertemu.
tapi sekarang alhamdulillah.
aku redha.
mungkin belum masanya untuk kami bertemu.
biar hanya 500 langkah dari dia atau 2 jam perjalanan dengan kereta, kami masih belum ditakdirkan untuk bersua.

semalam baru tahu dia tak dapat cuti pada minggu pertama April.
aku rasa macam nak nangis.
tapi air mata tak keluar..
mungkin sebab penat sangat sebab dah 36jam tak tidur.
tapi harini pun tak nangis.
dugaan ini kadang terasa berat.
namun ALLAH lebih mengetahui. 

sampai tiba masanya, kami akan bertemu jua.
InsyaALLAH.

pencuri masa (ARHJ Part 50)

9am

Dia: hye dr =)

*no reply. I was busy juggling sheets in clinic*

after 4 hours not replying.

Dia: bznye dia.

****************************************

5pm

Aku: Awak, tengah buat apa.

Dia: lari.. haha

Aku: ce tengok belakang ade orang kejar tak !

@#$%^&*()

****************************************

1am

Aku: tak tidur lagi ke?

Dia: k la. nak tido nie.

****************************************

hari- hari tengok dia ni.
tapi orang yang bagi si Boboi ni tengah sibuk kerja 7pagi sampai 12 tengah malam setiap hari selama seminggu.
sampai stress2 dibuatnya.
itulah nasib houseman tagging. bekerja lebih 12 jam sehari untuk membiasakan diri di bahagian tersebut. tapi hospital aku tagging 7pagi sampai 10 malam selama 14 hari. pelik sebab sistem lain2.
takpelah.
nanti dah jadi MO nanti rindu pulak nak tagging.
(eh, ada ke manusia yang rindu tagging? agaknya suruh gerak satu jari pun xde orang nak mengaku dia rindukan HO tagging)

minggu ni, mencuri masa untuk bertanya khabar memang susah.
apa lagi bila dua2 bekerja sebagai dokter dan tidak bekerja di tempat yang sama.
kadang2 bila aku ada masa, dia tengah sibuk.
bila dia ada masa, aku pulak tengah sibuk.
haishs...

everyday i pray that time will fly faster.

so that April is finally here.

P.s. ada apa dengan April? nantikan episod selanjutnya, ya =)

no more Doraemon's pocket!

hye. 
i think i miss out telling the whole world about one of my most important life changing event.
i am not a house officer (HO) anymore!!!
i guess i was too disappointed that i refuse to blog about it.
i request to be an Obstetric and Gynecology (OnG) Medical Officer (MO) and had been accepted.
i was so excited at that time.
until one month after the placement meeting, i got another letter 'forcing' me to serve in Surgical department as they did not have enough MO.
at first i was devastated.
i had even think of taking MRCOG and had planned with my friends to study and learn together in the department.
and i was so excited to deliver babies!!

so here i am.
since 1st of March 2013 (what a nice date 1/3/13), i am officially a surgical MO.
but i am in ACCEPTANCE phase now.
i will try to learn and gather knowledge and still try my best to be a good doctor.
(yeah, and my bf is so busy delivering babies now. sometimes when i call him i can hear babies cry in the background. which makes me so damn jealous of him and i feel like shouting "huwaaaaa nak jadi MO OnG! T.T").

being MO is so much different than being a HO.
the workload is lighter but the responsibilities is not.
i found myself scratching my head in clinic.
thankfully all of the seniors are so helpful. 
and i found myself studying!
which is kinda amazing for me cuz i study only when exam is near due to my short term memory.

i haven't start my on call yet.
oh my.
it's been a year since my last on call (previously HO also have on call before they change it into shift system).
i hope i can survive.

oh ya.
regarding the title of this post.
i used to love my white coat.
i put almost everything there.
my stethoscope. 
my chop. 
my pens. 
my penlight. 
micropore. 
stapler. 
money. 
handphone. 
car key.
 dat's why i call it my Doraemon's pocket.
i can even put a tuna sandwich and Ribena mobile pack inside those pockets.
but most of MO did not wear white coat.
i never know why.
but i follow majority.
huhu...
i'll be missing my pockets soon, i think..
but my new cute Carlo Rino bag seems to fit the purpose for the time being.
although it means no more sneaking sandwich and ribena anymore. he~

i used to look forward being MO cuz i thought i may say goodbye to log book.
but i just learn that even specialist have log books to fill up.
owh.
okay.
minus one point.

but i like that i now how proper meal time and weekend off except when on call.
and after 5pm i can join the aerobic team and burn more fat.
now i feel like a normal human being.
huhu~

wish me luck ^.^
 

how did i lose 10kg in 4 months?

hye

so what's with woman and weight?

yeah.

both started with a 'W' but most of us are not comfortable discussing it.

but since two days ago, a lot of people ask me the same question "how much have u lost?" (referring to my weight)

well, working in Emergency Department kinda 'secluded' me from other colleagues from other department in the hospital cuz i just stay in the ED.

so when i'm back to the 'outer' world, people started to see me again and was astonished.

believe me. i couldn't even button up my white coat before this!

this was when i was almost 70kg

so how did i lose 10kgs in 4 months?

truthfully, it was not EASY!

i've been wearing PB for 7 months but i only started to lose weight on the 3rd months due to my lifestyle change.

so, here's some tips for you.

1. so lazy to work out? just walk!!!

working in ED makes me walks A LOT!! 

thus those 4 months in ED i get three in one : knowledge, skills and exercise.

 awesome!!

 i also love to walk at the park.

everyone knows that rabbit never win the race

walking is never dull or boring at Taman Botanikal Melaka. especially with this life size crocodile statues

yes!!!

 i don't like to jog. i prefer to aerobic at stadium tun fatimah.

don't feel ashamed.

when u lose weight other people you will be the one laughing. hahaha *evil laugh*

2. how to lose weight without saying goodbye to chocolate?

one sister nicknamed me "chocolate doctor" as i always ate chocolate during lunch hour.

i was a first poster at that time and was so damn busy.

due the lack of time, a bar of choc is the only thing that i can eat.

but now i had started to substitute chocolate with yogurt.

my fav. nyummyy

i still buy chocolate sometimes. but i share it with others.

i used to gobble the whole bar alone. kihkihkih

when u share with others, u eat less chocolate and you friend will love u more (or not?)

3. i don't want to give up rice!!!

yeah. dat's me. life without rice is 'unthinkable'.

i'm a truly asian. how to live without rice?

last week i go to the canteen and the staff there said 'eh, lama tak nampak doktor'.

so i ask for 'nasi setengah'. but i can't finish it all.

i used to clean up my plate. (tulang pun kadang2 makan.. errrr....)

now i realize that i now i only eat one quarter of my usual portion of rice!!

thankfully, my Premium Beautiful corset really helps a lot to reduce my hunger =)

i've tried meal substitute juice but i hate the taste and i am quite paranoid about the side effects to my kidney (no evidence here but i've seen a 15 year old girl with end stage renal failure due to slimming product)

before

after

oh my..

look at the time.

i could spend a whole day talking about this issue.

we'll gossip again later.

byeeeee~

now i had began to like my reflection =)