keep holding on

date written: 16th July 2009
time: 2.OO A.M.
Location: Neurology Ward

status:
Night shift coass: 2, me and Tenri
On site residents: 3
Rooms: six rooms with minimum 3 patients per room
Total patients that must be follow up per hour : four

i had just follow up Mrs B, a 68years old woman, who suffered from meningioma (her family still didnt agree for operation yet) every morning, when i come to check on her, she refuse to open her eyes spontaneously. and today i know why... i was checking on the almost critical patients beside her who was feverish, when suddenly i saw a pair of eyes staring straight at me. Mrs B stares blankly to me (her position was directly in front of me so that it seems she was looking at me, but actually she can't see)
i went beside her and talk to her (though she cannot understand me) "grandma, didn't u sleep?" She kept staring at me... and i stared back. drops of saliva went down her limp side of lips.
suddenly i felt like i wanna cry....
i miss my grandma.
(gmbar hiasan)
as i held the old woman's hand slowly to check her pulse, i stared at her dry skin, and i began to miss hearing old woman chitchatting and gossiping. neurology makes me a lil bit down, seeing those stroke patients, unable to talk and move. there was also another patient who keeps saying 'ahhhhhhhhh' like he was in deep pain. oh how i wish he could tell me where it hurts! the only thing that i think is a miracle is when i was at the polyclinic yesterday. a post stroke patient come, walking slowly but proudly. she always smiled. and when i ask her, she proudly told me that before this she can't even move her right leg! though she walks so damn slow, i am sure her family would appreciate every step she takes. MEDICINE IS AMAZING. it's amazing how a simple blockage may makes someone become crippled and it is even more wonderful when those patients recovered their motoric functions. i think i learn something meaningful today i should appreciate every single moment i walk, speak, or even breath.....
i'll end my entry with a song lyric...

'syukuri apa yang ada
hidup adalah anugerah
tetap jalani hidup ini

melakukan yang terbaik'

don't ever give up, my friend!
MIRACLES DO EXIST!