can't sleep without 'him'

my 'tang long' night lamp!

lurve it sooooooooooooooo much!!!

i miss it when i slept at the hospital...

n not to forget my cj7 too..

hehe

2.59 a.m.

2.59 a.m. today, i was in the perinatology room


I’ve been at the hospital since 7a.m. yesterday
And to imagine I can’t go back home till 4pm today! (I’m on a 32 hours shift)
I’m so damn tired…..
My eyes looks like Po’s eyes..
What?
U dunno who’s Po?
Seriously, haven’t u met this huggable bear?




















And look at our eyes….







Did you find any simiarities?
Haha….

Ok, back to the story…
As I look around the newborn child room, surrounded by tiny babies and large oxygen tanks, I feel a weird feeling that I don’t know how to describe.

Notice the big blue thing?

it's da oxygen tank..

huhu...

When I place my stethoscope to the babies’ chest, I hear the most beautiful sound on the world.
The sound of LIFE….
Lup dup lup dup lup dup….. It’s so fast! Few times I had to recount their heart beat...
Oh, how I hate it when the sound stops!

p.s. arghhh when will i have da money to buy new camera?????? hate to take pic wif my 1.3 megapixel phone~ sigh~

Laskar pelangi

I’ve just watched ‘Laskar Pelangi’ yesterday.it's adapted from a novel and i love it so much!!!!!!!!!!
It’s funny but it’s also very touching.
And most important of all,
IT MAKES ME GRATEFUL….
I’m grateful that I can still go to the university, where out there, poor people dying to get a proper education.
Some of us took for granted of everything we have…
We want more but we never realizes that we have more than what we need.

A quote from the story
“BERILAH SEBANYAK- BANYAKNYA, BUKAN MEMINTA SEBANYAK- BANYAKNYA.”
(Give as much as you can, not ask for as much as you want)
P.S. I won’t tell you the story because I love surprises! So to those who had the chance to watch this movie, hurry up! And don’t forget to give your soul some advise after you watch it!

Click here for interesting pics from the movie!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/laskarpelangi/2831367502/

Cheers…….

The scariest part of being a female doctor

Everyone wants to build a happy family,

with bright and adorable kids and a 'till death do us apart' vow.

But doctors are usually too busy with their works.

Sometimes i wonder how female doctors manage to balance their family and work.

Today, as I sat on a bench at the paediatric ward, feeling so tired and exhausted, my friend (he's a guy) invite me to discuss a topic i've been dying to get rid of.

Guy : Did you want to marry an educated guy or not?
Me : Of course, la. I'm a doctor (not yet, actually)...
Guy : If you are a man, it's easy. You can choose whoever you want. I wanna marry a teacher.
Teachers always know how to nurture their kids well.
Me : Male doctors are so lucky. Their 'currency' increases day by day..... Otherwise we female doctors... (sigh)
Guy : I think you should marry a doctor.
Me : Really? You yourself wanna a teacher. Who wants such a busy wife? Don't you wanna go back home with your wife waiting for you with homemade cookings and tidy houses?

Argh!

To talk about something that you'll never know the answer now,

yet other people around you had already made a decision

"YOU SHOULD MARRY A DOCTOR"

That's what my mum said.

well, she's not da only one.

My grandma, aunties, cousins, and now my friend... all had talked about the same thing.

When you reach the age where everyone think that you should settle down and 'make' kids, the bitter reality hurts you like a needle pricked into your bare skin.

P.s.

Man: Did you have some free time this saturday night?

Woman: Are you a doctor?

Man: (Shocked) Well, yeah.

Woman: Ok. What time will you pick me up?

Man: Actually, i'm not a doctor.

Woman: Get lost...

FIRST TIME OF EVERYTHING

owh, i've been TAGGED!!!!!

Some say that the first time of everything reveals a new chapter in our life. And here’s the episode of my first experiences……
Ready……
One, two, ACTION!

1st time I learn how to cook
I only learn how to cook years ago. Huhu. My mum didn’t like anyone to help her when she’s cooking. So it is not until I went to Makassar that I learn how to cook! There was once where I burnt my food. There was also many times where I end up throwing away the stuffs that I cook cuz it’s not eligible to eat. I hate cooking everyday dishes but I enjoy cooking unique food like ‘roti puri’, desserts and potato soup. And I enjoy baking so much! One day I’ll have my very own bakery shop! (insyaALLAH). I’m still not confident to let people taste the ‘Malay’ dishes that I’ve cooked. Need time to sharpen my skill. Haha. Wish me luck!
(i was cooking roti puri in da pic~ red shirts gave me confidence. hehe)

1st time I talk in front of crowd
As a prefect at primary school, we had to be the MC during the assembly. I was in year 5 (but only 10 years old because I skip year 4) when I was first appointed as the MC of the day. I was so scared! During my first time being the MC, everything went well for the first few minutes. Then, I invite an Indian teacher who was supposed to conduct the ‘Negaraku’ song to recite a prayer! Everyone laughed so hard and I’m so shy that I can feel my face become thicker and thicker. I don’t know where I wanna place my head. And what makes me so unlucky was the first guy I ever had a crush was directly in front of me! He laughed so hard that I can see tears at the corner of his eyes. I was so ashamed that I gave the microphone to my friend and asked her to replace me. Now, I still had a stage fright but I love to talk in front of crowds!

1st time being away from the family
I was around 6 years old and my mum sent me to stay at my auntie’s home who did not have any child. Before I went to her house, my parents bought me a new pair of shoes. And as a habit of mine, I usually slept with my new stuffs (until now, even though I didn’t sleep with my new things anymore, I always unpack my shopping bags as soon as I got home. Creepy habit….. Haha). Ok, back to the story, that night I’ve cried and cried and cried. My parents had to go back to my auntie’s house and take me home. And even though it was years ago, they always tease me about the incident. Well, I dunno if the story I slept with new stuffs true or not. But I also dunno why I adore things I’ve bought so much. They was like “~MY PRECIOUS~”

~ featured pic~my new handphone cover! so cuteeeeeee!

1st time being away from the family (Da Real One Version!)
I was 15 years old as I enter MRSM BALIK PULAU, which was located 4 hours car ride from home and it was over the sea! (What I meant is that it is at Penang Island). As I stepped my foot on the dusty ground of the school’s field, I look around and ask myself “Hrmm… is there any handsome guy in this school?” I’m serious! I was such a bad girl back then. I did meet some handsome guys but it brings a dark cloud on my shiny life. Turns out I couldn’t focused as one of them ‘haunt’ me. I’ve learnt my lessons. You don’t go to school for ‘puppy love’. It’s such a waste of time.
Now, I always remind myself that” I come here to study” when I stepped on Makassar’s land. Experiences really taught us many spiky lessons.

1st guy I thought as my ‘knight in shiny armor’
We met when I was in form two. And we declare our love on 31st of January 2005, few years after we’ve met. For three years, we were so deeply in love. Truly, madly, deeply in love. I couldn’t say that I hate him for leaving me. It’s my entire fault he hates me…. he hates me so much that he have da guts to leave me a day before my examination. It was the first time I cry during test and I couldn’t hear any love songs for few weeks without crying. Love truly makes people blind. We tend to shut our eyes, ears and mouth to our loved one’s weakness. I missed the time I love someone and being loved, as it makes me dancing on the clouds. Now I have no one, and he’s gonna marry someone else. End of story.

There a lots of my first times that I still remember, but I guess you are too tired to hear me blabbing too much. Hehe.

All of the foremost experience should not be the big, heavy log that blocked our path.
Treasure it as a booster of confidence for the subsequent time.
By fate you fail the first time,
Analyze and build new strategies.
By fate you succeed,
Remember that life is unpredictable, and yesterday’s success is not a confirmation of today’s winning.
Be sensible and you’ll be wiser….

a person with two genitals?

i just went back from my night shift.
and i'm so happy!!!!
remember da unconscious girl?
last night she look at me directly in da eyes!
three days her eyes couldn't even focused...
and now those big eyes struck my heart.
such a great feeling!
i know i didn't do anthing.
i just follow up her condition n do as the doctor's instructed.
but i couldn't help to feel happy.
when i went to see her this morning, her mummy said "she's been looking for u, doctor" huhu....
last night i work upstairs so i only visited haerani (the girl) twice.
usually i went to see her more than 5 times a shift.
hihi.
such a nosy medical student.
this morning (4.04a.m.) , a patient's mum asked me..
"didn't u sleep, doctor?"
(we are already called doctor eventhough we are just students)
actually, i just woke up at 3a.m...
we take turn to sleep n follow up patients.
haerani's mum also had asked the same question.
"didn't u rest, doctor?"
the truth is, i did feel as if i didn;t have enough sleep.
but i didn't work 24 hours.
it's only that during my shifts i love to wander n look at the patients and play with them.

my other fav patient is Bella.
only a months old and so small!!!!!
her hand's circumference is only like a 20cents shilling!
i pity those patients' parents
sometimes their children cried the whole day.
it must be tiring to took care of those sick kids.
so whenever i see them, i smile.
i hope my smile may brighten their day.
and today i saw a baby with two genitals!
i wonder what's his/ her real gender.
i'll asked doctor tomorrow.
now i wanna rest!
my first day off for this week!
my spirit meter sometimes reach zero but i'll saviour every moment when it's as high as the sky.
"dear" (talking to myself) "keep on striving!"

my tortoises! (maman and effy)

now only effy left

everytime i'm back to my room she look at me untill i gave her something to eat

she's such a BIG eater!

keep smiling, CJ7!!

today i have night shift (AGAIN???)

huhu... but i'll be back at 4pm tomorrow... hehe

this morning i had to follow up an encephalopathy patient every 15 minutes!

i'm so tired.

few days ago, that little girl's had been unconcious

she had a diarrhoea and was admitted at the hospital with dehydration.

every minutes she seems sleepy.

when i heard her cry yesterday, i felt relieved.

at last! she's concious!

but this morning she was irritable.

her eyes didn't focus at all.

that's why i was instructed to monitor her condition every 15 minutes.

looking at her and her 6 months pregnant mummy, i felt sad.

and can u imagine that her dad did not come even for a sec to see his first child!

there's so many diarrhoea patients this week!

the gastrointerology (GI) resident was so stressed out.

and u can guess that we (the students in the GI subdivision) are the 'victims'.

but my spirit is still as high as the everest!

sometimes i feel too tired.....

but i realize that if i stop smiling,

i feel as if a heavy thing crushing my heart

so i had to try to keep smiling!

my fav CJ 7! wanna smile like it all da time!

9pm to 9pm? OMG!

i just went back from my first 9pm to 9pm shift...

i'm so damn tired!

imagine staying at the hospital since 9pm yesterday till 9pm today!

wow!

but i did slept.. huhu..

otherwise i'm gonna be crazy...

but one thing for sure....

ALL OF US ARE OVERWORKED AND NOT PAID...

huarghhh....... (yawn)

i'm too tired....

death is calling me.....

yesterday i went to the hospital with high spirits.

i learn lot of new things!

didn't realize how fast time flies....

it is sooooooooooooooo fascinating!

but unfortunately, i make a 'fatal' mistake (dats what the doctor said)

i don't even know what on earth spinning around my mind.

i made an error by writing da wrong temperature of patient 'A' in the follow up paper.

it's such a silly mistakes.

i know the child was having a fever.

i even said to my friend --> hey, this little girl's temperature is 38,5!

n u know what i wrote in da paper? 35,5 degree celcius.... (normal temperature is 36,5 - 37,5)

the doctor in charge was very mad at me....
(temperature is very important! kids with low temperature must be reported and i made a BIG mistake by thinking that it is such a simple stuff)

i just shut my mouth and be like a sponge...

absorbing all of essential knowledges into my brain....

anyway, it's lucky she lecture me....

she tought me sooooooooo much!!!!!

yeah, she maybe talks too much...

but nothing she said can spoil my mood...

today, new adventure unfolds.

a doctor came to the room and asked

"who's the first week co assisstant (that's what all of the trainee doctors called here) in the gastroenterology department?

few hands raised as an answer to her question

u (she pointed at me), go to the PICU (pediatric ICU) and follow up the patient there, ok?

i was nervous.

when i've reached PICU, three doctors were there.

i don't know what to do.

i walk slowly towards the doctors.

one was ventilating the patient while the other two was doing something i couldn't see from the place where i was standing.

da doctor who scolded me last night was there. she watched me and gave me a sneer

"u are the one assigned to be here? oh my god! a first week student!"

"never mind. i'm da one who called her. come here. help us" said the other doctor.

i've tried to take the blood pressure of the baby but it is so difficult.

there was no pulse!

after several minutes, the baby went into shock.

what happens after that is just like a movie.

one doctor do the CPR while the other still ventilate her with AMBU bag.

"help me do this" the other doctor who was pressing the IV said to me.

the kid's mum started to cry.

after what seems like a fast forward story, the child's life was taken away.

except that this is not a movie.

it's a real 9 months baby girl.

her mum was frantic.

'gimme back my girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

it's their first child.

and they were such a young parents.

'dear, please come back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

i try not to cry, but my eyes welled up with waters that it blurred my visions.

'thank you for your co operation' one doctor told me.

'find her status' another doctor said to me.

when she read it

'oh no! why it is not complete?' murmured the doctor.

'fetch a tape and measure her head and body circumference'

walking like a zombie, i do as instructed.

while measuring her circumference, i couldn't believe she's dead.

her skin was still hot.

it's different from the corpse at the anatomy lab.

it seems ALIVE.

she's da first girl i saw die in front of me.

and i'm gonna remember her forever.

MUTHIAH, may your soul rest in peace.

AMIN.

this evening, one of my friend said 'death is calling me'

everyone looked at him, wondering why on earth he talks like that to himself

then he continue talking

'i've lost the doctor's book'

everyone laughed so hard. we though he had gone crazy.

'she already took her book' someone said

we laugh again.

it's been long since i laugh like that.

hehe.

tonight, i have 9 to 9 shift (9pm till 9pm tomorrow)!!!!!!!

wish me luck...

huarghhh.........(yawn)...... i'm sleepy......

just got back at 4pm this evening....

help me....

RED MARK DAY

if i had a calender in my room, today should be a 'red mark' day.


because on this very hot and sunny day,
i wore my very own white coat for the first time.

today, i went to the Lontara 4 at the hospital which is located right in front of my apartment.

this time, my heart went lup dup in the 'r n b' genre.

the doctors who talk to us seems nice.

but as i look my friends who had already started their clinical week ago,

they seems tired.

i felt a knot in my stomach....

can i survive??????

i kept asking "why did i ever become a doctor?"

but i'm not going to give up now.....

today, we follow up all of the patients' vital signs.

it's what we had learnt back in the first year.

BUT NOW DA REAL CHALLENGE DEFEAT US...

majority of the kids cry just as soon as they saw us in white coats.

we smile and try to be friendly but they stung our ears with the loud sounds dat came out from their small mouths.

the thing is, it is no use to take vital signs (blood pressure, breathing and temperature) when they cry.

most of the signs will increase when they cried.

but somehow,

we manage to do our work miracolously....

i can't wait for tomorrow!

can't stop thinking about this sunday....

today i went to Aesculapius to buy some books and medical stuffs.

Rp 231 000 flew from my purse just like that.

wanna know what i bought?

i bought 2 axilla and rectal thermometer,

a tendon hammer,

an adult sphygmomanometer (to count blood pressure),

a penlight,

anthropometry table,

and a box of gloves..

huhu...

below are all the 'must have' stuffs i had to bring to the hospital

so much! not to add my purse and other personal stuffs! sigh~

looking at those, stuffs, i felt a sense of euphoria.

this is fun! hehe

this evening, me n my friend went to the Mall.

i love shopping!!

even window shopping sent gushes of adrenaline to my whole body!

hehe

i bought a 'fake' LV bag and it reminds me of a blog i've just read yesterday.

http://www.blogwawasan.com/?p=414

well, it's not as if i had a choice...

it's beautiful and i don't have money to buy the original one!

i also bought some vitamins.

had to build a wall to protect all of those diseases from infecting me...

well, i'm not being paranoid

it is da truth

nosocomial infections are dangerous

and if i'm sick how can i treat my patients? (as if i'm already qualified to diagnose. huhu)

i kept thinking about this sunday...

the first division i've got for my clinical is the paediatric ward.

it is also known as a LIVING HELL for practical doctors.

can i survive the hot, flaming fire of duties and torture?

i guess i had to be strong....

once a person said to me

DON'T BE SENSITIVE IN THIS HARD LIFE

i guess he's right.

i can't expect for things to be easy for me

i must expect da worse...

i SMS my best friend, Eiz, who study medicine at UNIMAS, telling her my worries.

and this is her reply...

"don't worry. u can do it. U love kids, right? i'm sure u'll enjoy. good luck"

yeah, i do love kids.

but will LOVE protect me from being the victim of hard works?

i guess we have to wait till sunday to know.

anyway, thinking about paediatrics makes me wanna look back when i was small...

didn't i look so cute? haha...

years ago i have no worries...

now everything troubles me.

i need flowing water!!

at last.....

today i've got da chance to bath while the tap was still running.

since i went back to makassar last monday, the tap runs only at 5.30a.m. and 5.00pm!

(and it only runs for a while!)

rumors went buzzing around but no one knows the real cause.

and today, the truth reveals.

at 4.p.m., i woke u uncomfortably cuz my body feels sticky and sweaty.

"oh no," i said to myself, "there's no electricity!"

rays of sunlight stick swords of throbbing pain onto my head.

i take three steps and close my curtain to makes my room darker.

"ah.. dat's better"

as i step back to my bed,

a piece of paper laying at the floor catch the photoreceptors in my retina.

the letter apologize for the water shortage and explains the cause.

THE WATER SHORTAGE IS DUE TO THE SUPPLY OF CLEAN WATER FROM PDAM DOES NOT SEND WATER SUPPLY TO TAMALANREA ANYMORE

oh, this is bad.....

i still remember, back when i was still a 'newbie' here,

for few weeks i had to carry water in big and heavy pails from the ground floor to the fifth floor!!

such a hard life.....

although its an oppurtinity to toughen up my muscle,

i don't welcome the trouble.

being far away from family is already a torture...

i don't need this...

oh how i hope this water crisis ends......

clinical years... here i come!

i'm starting my clinical years dis sunday!

my heart played the 'lup dup lup dup' song in a hip hop genre since yesterday.....

i've tried to loosen up a little bit but it's kinda hard

keep reminding myself that constant tachycardia may worn out my faithful heart who never miss a beat

it seems like only yesterday i've reached this hot country

how fast time flies....

mixed feelings filled my cup of emotions

but one BIG question keeps bothering my cerebrum..

AM I READY TO START PRACTICING MEDICINE?