death is calling me.....

yesterday i went to the hospital with high spirits.

i learn lot of new things!

didn't realize how fast time flies....

it is sooooooooooooooo fascinating!

but unfortunately, i make a 'fatal' mistake (dats what the doctor said)

i don't even know what on earth spinning around my mind.

i made an error by writing da wrong temperature of patient 'A' in the follow up paper.

it's such a silly mistakes.

i know the child was having a fever.

i even said to my friend --> hey, this little girl's temperature is 38,5!

n u know what i wrote in da paper? 35,5 degree celcius.... (normal temperature is 36,5 - 37,5)

the doctor in charge was very mad at me....
(temperature is very important! kids with low temperature must be reported and i made a BIG mistake by thinking that it is such a simple stuff)

i just shut my mouth and be like a sponge...

absorbing all of essential knowledges into my brain....

anyway, it's lucky she lecture me....

she tought me sooooooooo much!!!!!

yeah, she maybe talks too much...

but nothing she said can spoil my mood...

today, new adventure unfolds.

a doctor came to the room and asked

"who's the first week co assisstant (that's what all of the trainee doctors called here) in the gastroenterology department?

few hands raised as an answer to her question

u (she pointed at me), go to the PICU (pediatric ICU) and follow up the patient there, ok?

i was nervous.

when i've reached PICU, three doctors were there.

i don't know what to do.

i walk slowly towards the doctors.

one was ventilating the patient while the other two was doing something i couldn't see from the place where i was standing.

da doctor who scolded me last night was there. she watched me and gave me a sneer

"u are the one assigned to be here? oh my god! a first week student!"

"never mind. i'm da one who called her. come here. help us" said the other doctor.

i've tried to take the blood pressure of the baby but it is so difficult.

there was no pulse!

after several minutes, the baby went into shock.

what happens after that is just like a movie.

one doctor do the CPR while the other still ventilate her with AMBU bag.

"help me do this" the other doctor who was pressing the IV said to me.

the kid's mum started to cry.

after what seems like a fast forward story, the child's life was taken away.

except that this is not a movie.

it's a real 9 months baby girl.

her mum was frantic.

'gimme back my girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

it's their first child.

and they were such a young parents.

'dear, please come back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

i try not to cry, but my eyes welled up with waters that it blurred my visions.

'thank you for your co operation' one doctor told me.

'find her status' another doctor said to me.

when she read it

'oh no! why it is not complete?' murmured the doctor.

'fetch a tape and measure her head and body circumference'

walking like a zombie, i do as instructed.

while measuring her circumference, i couldn't believe she's dead.

her skin was still hot.

it's different from the corpse at the anatomy lab.

it seems ALIVE.

she's da first girl i saw die in front of me.

and i'm gonna remember her forever.

MUTHIAH, may your soul rest in peace.

AMIN.

this evening, one of my friend said 'death is calling me'

everyone looked at him, wondering why on earth he talks like that to himself

then he continue talking

'i've lost the doctor's book'

everyone laughed so hard. we though he had gone crazy.

'she already took her book' someone said

we laugh again.

it's been long since i laugh like that.

hehe.

tonight, i have 9 to 9 shift (9pm till 9pm tomorrow)!!!!!!!

wish me luck...

huarghhh.........(yawn)...... i'm sleepy......

just got back at 4pm this evening....

help me....