a secret i wish no one knows

today, i realize that the thumping thing inside my ribcage is still bleeding slowly... so slow that i did not know it never heals. it hurts my soul and signals my eyes to well with tears. i feel something deep... so deep that it slits the muscle of my heart.
I've felt this before.... but i thought it had gone... i thought i have treated it by busying my life with chores and books..
but yet the pain come again...
and i had to write this to let it out,
so that i can continue focusing on my study
because tomorrow a brilliant professor will test my knowledge about Internal Medicine...
and i had to be very polite yet intelligent to pass the exam.
yeah, i must do my best tomorrow.....
but sometimes..
as i sat alone in my room....
or as i read the story of lovely couples enjoying every moment they were together....
the ache fills the chamber of my heart again....
and a question that did not have any answer buzz my cerebrum sooooooooooo much that i feel like i wanna open up my skull and find the place in my brain that contain the memory of him to scrub it away...
i wonder...
WHY, OH WHY?
it is very hard....
to forget him?